What the hell is a "conservative"

Wake up America!!!!!  There's a fish in your bathroom sink and its gasping for air!!!!!!!
What do we have today, one group that selectively says it is the "conservatives" and the other which stands for real human values.  We call this liberalism. 
What exactly is a 'conservative'.  Are they conservative with their relationships among men?  Are they conservative with their regard for human dignity?  No they are ill bent to dispell the idea that liberalism, an ideal that began in the 1500s is the way of the future.  It is.   Those who want you to think of them as 'conservatives' are really illiberals.  They are the antithesis to that which yields true growth and human dignity in our day.  They cling to old broken concepts for fear of a day that life will flourish around them and they will be forced to sacrifice one of their vacations to the great islands somewhere on the map....
These illiberals are not the force of humanity.  They are a source of paranoia and discontent set about to make the world a place for the priviledged and not for those who also deserve humanity, pride, dignity and perseverance.   I do predict that there will be a day in the future where people will say "what happened to the illiberals.  They no longer exist!".